I don’t often get too personal on my blog and instead like to focus our content on YOU, my clients! Today, on what would have been my momma’s 56th birthday, I wanted to take a minute to say thank you, I’m sorry and offer a little peek into why things have been a bit out of the ordinary around here for most of the last year. Some of you already know but most of you don’t as I always debate just how much of personal life should bleed into business.
One month ago, I lost my momma. I was lucky enough to be by her side until the very end and she was loved and surrounded by her family even getting to see and hear beloved one-and-only granddaughter, our Baby B, via video message. She tried very hard to stay with us but her body couldn’t keep up with the strength of her spirit and will.
So what happened? The day before Thanksgiving last year my momma went into the emergency room thinking she had a flu bug that she just couldn’t shake. She’d been home sick for about 3-4 days. It turned out she had contracted MRSA and another blood infection and she was septic. We starting an antibiotic battle in the following weeks but her body was not getting the upper hand and in an effort to remove the source of the infection (her feet) the doctors performed a double amputation of both her lower legs. She took on that decision as a warrior, knowing it was what she had to do to fight to be here for me and B.
After a brush with death and a rush to the University of Missouri ICU she turned a corner and began to heal. She made great strides toward recovery after that even being released from the ICU and eventually even from the hospital into a rehab program. She was well on her way to figuring out what her new life looked like and I was able to split as much of my time as possible and go back to MO to spend as many days with her as I could. Many of you may have noticed lots of iphone emails in those days as I attempted to work from my office, the road and the hospital – see the great office views below. I spent much of December-Feburary spending 1/2 my weeks there and 1/2 here to make sure both my mom, my family and my business were well cared for.
Just a few weeks before she was to be getting out of her rehab program something changed. One day she was no longer able to control her lower limbs or help move herself or participate in any of the rehab program. She’d become paralyzed from her mid-back down. We later found out this was due to a pocket of the MRSA infection seeding in her back and reaching her spinal cord through a fracture in one of her discs. Again, she battled. But this time when her body couldn’t fight it with antibiotics alone there was no option to surgically remove the limb… because the ‘limb’ was her spine.
But my momma, stubborn, strong-willed and deeply loving, wouldn’t give up. She fought for every moment she could stay to watch Baby B’s milestones. We facetimed through christmas gift opening and then again through Happy Birthday songs.
Baby B visiting grandma in the hospital, napping with her:
She held on to be here for just one more moment, one more bathtime video or baby giggle. Until she couldn’t any longer. I can’t say I’d have had the strength to hold on as long as she did, but she did. And I know it was all for her family.
Today, is her birthday. And I know that cake with Jesus has to be sweeter than any she’s had before (and no calories right because, you know, Heaven).
Today I want to remember her, to share her memory with you and to say a sincere thank you to all of you who have been there with cards, letters, notes, facebook messages, flowers, ice cream and thoughts and prayers as I navigate this loss and discover what life looks like now. And I’m sorry, to all of you who have waited longer (like sooo long) for orders that not only got put on hold but were honestly abandoned as I went to her bedside at the end. I appreciate your patience as I know it’s no small thing and love you all for your willingness to wait as I got back to work and got my bearings.
This was my eulogy to my momma: I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to speak today but I knew I had to try because though many of you in here may not know each other I can confidently say that every one of you knows who I am. Whether you have known mom for 50 years, or 15 minutes you’ve heard one (or 100) Sarah stories. I would say I’m sorry that you’ve endured HOURS of talk about nearly every achievement of mine, the truth is, I’m not because she LOVED to tell them. She was a lot of things: friend, sister, aunt, mentor, colleague, boss but above all else she was a mom, my mom.
I’m not sure what you can begin to say about the woman who made you everything you are. She made me strong, determined, stubborn and kind. I am who I am and had the confidence to chase my dreams because my mom believed in me 100% and made sure I knew it. My mom was the strongest yet most tender hearted woman I have ever known. She passed on her strength but I will forever be in awe of her ability to care so deeply for others. She truly loved all people and she cared about and wanted to know their stories.
Even sitting in her hospital bed she couldn’t turn off “employee relations” Patty and she would ask each nurse about how they liked their job, where they started, who hired them, how they liked their bosses, etc. She’d thank them and encourage them and make sure they knew when they’d done a blood draw or dressing change well. Even when she was the patent she took care of others.
She gave of herself to many, but as you all know she loved and gave of herself most of all to me. I can never express how thankful I am to her that I grew up knowing her unconditional love and support. She taught me SO much… she taught me to live and to really love life. She taught me to be kind to everyone, that there was good in all people. She taught me that I could talk to her and God any day any time about anything big or small. But not to cuss in the church parking lot because apparently God hears that louder than when you’re at home. She showed me how to listen, how to be a good friend, how to forgive and how to always, always CHOOSE to be happy. Everything that I am and do is because I was raised with her guidance, encouragement and love. Most importantly, my little girl has nothing to worry about because more than anything my momma taught me how to be a mother.
When I spoke to brother frank about today he mentioned a key goal is for us to remember. To remember who mom was, and continues to be, and how she touched our lives. So when I sat down to write this I racked my brain for the perfect memory to share. One that might be a little bit funny or one would really encapsulate who she was. But the truth there isn’t ONE story that can remind you who mom was and you all have your own memories of her. For me there are too many to count and most are just ordinary every day moments. I remember sharing a sub shop BLT with her sitting on top of the old St. Mary’s parking garage to watch 4th of July fireworks. Playing quarter bingo with her every year at the Edina cornfest always while sharing a funnel cake. Taking our mom/daughter vacations in Branson every year like 5 years in a row. I remember her cooking Christmas Eve dinner alongside her mother and sister in what felt like a 150 degree 10×10 trailer with 47 people crammed in all with the biggest smile on her face. Those statistics might be a little bit exaggerated but no words or embellishments could overstate how much she loved those times with her family. Most of all I remember her smile and her laugh, which was so deep and infectious that you could end up in hysterics if she got tickled over the littlest thing. I’ve laughed with her, fought with her, cried with her and loved with her.
She fought more in the last year than most of us will ever face yet never got bitter or angry, or at least never let it show. She fought hard to her last breath and she fought with grace. And though the hole she’s left behind will never be filled, she’s at peace and in no pain now and I know grandma and grandpa welcomed their daughter home with open arms.
And though she’s gone from us physically mom will never be gone. I will think of her every time I cook our chili, or meatloaf, or salmon patties. Every time I purse my lips when annoyed (or when my daughter does the same). Every time I smell a lilac bush or beautiful perfume. Every time I hear a wind chime or see a cardinal. She’s here with us now every day and I know she won’t let her presence go unnoticed in your lives or in mine.
I love you momma, a bushel and a peck forever and for always.
